Don't Ever Say Goodbye
by SpitOutSorrows
Summary: Nothing lasts forever.Not even love.


_**Don't ever say goodbye.**_

_People say to make the most of life; to soak up the moments you spend with loved ones,cherish them forever._

_No one really listens though do they?_

_You don't think about the future; one day everything will be gone and the memories are all you'll have left._

_No one thinks about that._

_No one thinks it'll happen to them._

_We're born and raised to understand life and death yet we never really accept it until it happens._

_Even then we don't want to believe it._

_I'm an atheist._

_I wasn't when I was born or when I was a young child but when I got to my teenage years eveything changed...I met someone._

_He was beautiful._

_He changed everything about me._

_I was a mormon. I was taught to follow God to pray everyday,I was taught to love who our parents wanted us to love. He changed that though._

_The first time we kissed; the sparks,the taste,the chemistry_

_The time we held hands walking through the park._

_Everything was perfect: for me._

_At home everything wasn't perfect... for him._

_He used to come into school,his arms all bruised._

_Sometimes he even had broken bones._

_I wanted to help him but he told me not to ask and to surpress my feelings._

_I remember how he used to cuddle into me and act as if the world stood still of course it didn't time flew by and I just assumed we'd have more time together._

_Summer,Autumn passed and then winter came._

_I remember asking him to stay over for christmas but of course his father wouldn't allow it._

_I went to visit him instead but only for a minute,I knew full well I couldn't stay long._

_I remember sneaking into his garden,I heard yelling followed by screaming..more yelling then silence._

_Silence worried me most._

_I didn't know what to do._

_So I waited,for hours._

_Eventually someone came out..him._

_He looked so different._

_Bruises and cuts ran up his arm. His eyes were black,nose slightly more crooked and I could've sworn I saw some blood in his hair._

_He was crying._

_What could I do?_

_What could I say?_

_Why didn't he want help?_

_I left that day._

_Then I got a phonecall._

_It was muffled but I could decipher it..just._

_"H-help-p m-me-e"_

_That was all I needed I raced over there in my moms car._

_I remember._

_I remember all the moments we spent together._

_From the little things like glances to things like first kisses and first dates._

_Remembering is no good though._

_Sometimes I just want to forget._

_I took him home that day._

_Looked after him._

_Fed him,clothed him,bathed him,loved him._

_It didn't matter though; he didn't want help._

_I offered to call the police._

_He said no._

_I offered to call my mom ask her if he could move in._

_He smiled._

_No._

_He still said no._

_I wish I had said yes._

_Told him he had to stay because I wouldn't let him go._

_I didn't._

_I sat tight and told myself he'd ask for help when he wanted it._

_I was wrong._

_Ryan wanted help I know he did but he wouldn't ask for it._

_I suppose he thought it'd make him look weak,that's what his dad probably said._

_Still I could've called the police without his consent._

_I was scared he would hate me though._

_That night he went home._

_Home._

_Away from me._

_I had kissed him one last time._

_I told him I was ._

_Nothing lasts forever though._

_Even if we will it too._

_Everything ends,everything leaves,everything dies._

_Like Ryan._

_He never came back to me._

_I called him._

_I promised I would._

_He didn't answer._

_I called again._

_No answer._

_And again.._

_Again..._

_Again..._

_Then I heard them._

_The sirens._

_An ambulance._

_Two ambulances._

_A police car._

_I knew then._

_I knew._

_I got up and . no one._

_Love only lasts for a short while._

_I learnt that the hard way._

_I always pictured us old and grey living together by the sea._

_He always said one day we would._

_I think deep down he knew that was a lie._

_I think I did too._

_I don't like the idea of love makes me feel vulnerable._

_I don't like the idea of God either._

_I don't like the thought that he chose to let him suffer._

_Ryan hadn't done anything wrong._

_Never had._

_Never will._

_He's not with me anymore._

_He left me to fend for myself._

_To walk past his house everyday and shiver because of the ice cold feeling that surrounded it._

_He left me and now here I am knowing._

_Knowing is the worst part._

_Knowing I could have stopped this,I could've saved him.._

_But I didn't._

_It's no use knowing he could be here now_

_because he's not._

_I am here._

_I Brendon Boyd Urie am here._

_I just wish I wasn't._

_I wish I was there._

_Wherever there may be._

_I wish I was with him._

_I wish I could kiss him,tell him I love him,hold him one more time._

_I can't._

_I never will be able to._

_I asked him once if he'd ever leave me._

_He promised me he wouldn't._

_But he did._

_I cried that night and the next and the next,I cry every night._

_I begged him"Don't say goodbye Ryan" and "You promised me"_

_It didn't matter did it?_

_Life is unfair._

_Maybe death was in a way some twisted form of help?_

_Not for me._

_I'm still here._

_And he's there._

_Wherever there may be._

_-THE END-_


End file.
